Grateful.

Every year I look forward to drawing a hand turkey so I can name the things I am grateful for on each feather. About a month ago our kitchen chalkboard screamed for me to this, so I of course had to, but it wasn't until this week that it really hit me how important each turkey feather is to who I am and what I believe to be true. 

Family

I am so grateful for family and all that family  means to us. Brian and I are really lucky to have amazing families that love and support us no matter what. This year we hosted Brian's family for Thanksgiving and we had such a great time. Brian and I love to host people for dinner and we try to make everything special--from the food to the table decorations. I decided to get a little crafty and make a place setting for each person and write a note of gratefulness to them. 

I asked Brian to think of a word to describe each person and then I incorporated that word into their place setting. What started as a fun way to decorate the table ended up being something really sentimental. 

As Brian and I explained our notes to each person, we all got teary.

 I told Brian that we should do this with my family too, so later in the day I called my parents and told them what words I would have put on their place setting. It was cathartic to do this. To specifically name a quality about a person brings truth and light to a relationship. I found this to be a vulnerable process but one that I don't regret at all. 

Friends

I'm grateful for the ebb and flow of friendships. I'm not sure I knew that ebbs and flows existed in my friendships through my 20's and 30's. I've since been able to name this and name that I've felt guilt during the ebbs. I wasn't sure it was okay to let distance and life changes shift friendships. I felt like I had to hold on to certain expectations of how to be a friend when there were fewer and fewer places of natural common experiences to build from.

One huge example of this is that most of my friends have kids. This alone has been filled with ebbs and flows. I feel like I lost a few friends in the ebb times. Parents often migrate to each other, and I TOTALLY get this but there is often a natural parting from me during this time. I hold no grudge with this, but it has taken some time embrace the changes, mourn and say goodbye to some friends, and know that this is all part of the process. 

With all that said, I am also learning to embrace the flow times of my friendships, new and old. I feel like I have found some wonderful friends at work. There is a lot of joy that can be found in something as simple as a Bitmoji, or an inside joke, {bitch!} and I am grateful for this. 

I am grateful to be an Aunt to so many of my friends' kids. And, I am even more grateful when they send me a thank you note for the six dollars I gave them for their birthday.

How cute is this?

I am grateful for loyal friends that hold me and listen to me when I am struggling and then offer advice that is practical and truly connected to me and my well being.

I am grateful for the friends who know EveRyTHinG about me. 

I am grateful for friends who are more like sisters.

I am grateful for friends that I can text at 12:26 just because I am thinking of them.

I am grateful for the ebbs and flows of friendships because I am learning so much about myself and about what matters. 

B{squared}

  Birney and Baxter give me so much joy. 

I am so very grateful for the place they hold in our family. They are consistent, forgiving, good listeners, empathetic and so damn cute! Brian and I eat pie and watch Elf on the day after Thanksgiving to kick off the Holidays and my boys know that they are a part of this. They get it. They get me, and I am so, so grateful for this. 

Love 24/7

Brian, my love. I am so very grateful for you and our love. Our journey to find each other was heartbreaking and beautiful and it is proof that Love wins and that Light can be found even in the darkest of places. I am a better, stronger, happier, person because of you. Your consistent, sincere love for me makes my heart happy. We laugh so, so much--what a gift this is! I have been able to fully experience love and acceptance because of you. I have been able to feel a depth of joy and peace because of you. I truly am the luckiest. I am in love with you and always will be. 

xoxo

{P.S. This picture was taken in Rome during our trip of a lifetime. I spent about 3 days blogging about this amazing trip and when I went to put finishing touches on it, it was gone. Like, Gone. Like, G.O.N.E. gone. I tried everything to recover it, but it was gone. I cried and cussed a lot that day... I've since tried to rewrite it but I haven't had the time or energy to finish it yet. Maybe by the new year...we'll see.}