The Year of Teaching Gratefully

Well, here we are again. The end of another school year! I can hardly believe it is actually here! I finished up year 15 and it was one that challenged me and showed me that I absolutely love seeing kids push themselves creatively. When people asked me about teaching this year I told them that I was basically doing my dream job. I got to teach language arts electives {which I wrote about in last year's post here} and while it was a ton of work because I had to create a new curriculum for each class and I worked almost every weekend, the fun, like the literal fun I had with kids reading, writing and speaking every day blew me away. 

I also had the absolute privilege to build some wonderful relationships with a few kids like I’ve never really been able to before. My journalism class was truly special. It ended up being a class of 15 7th and 8th-grade girls. And, let me tell you having a class of all girls was the bomb.com. I loved it! We talked about all the things you would think we talked about. One of my favorite days was our discussion about sexism around women having periods and how uneducated our society is about them. They didn’t understand why there’s such embarrassment around a natural experience women have every month and why men {and, frankly many women!} aren’t taught more explicitly to understand it or accept it. Preach, girls! Preach! 

Another fun day was when we tried to navigate the notoriously frustrating yearbook site and ended up making up school-appropriate cuss words. We really gave that website a shovel of flame guts when it crashed. It was a real annihilation most days! {Thanfully, flame guts aside, the yearbook ended up being awesome and I am super proud of my girls!}

 

In addition to my journalism class, I had a small pod of students who I bonded with because of the combination of my planning period bumping up to my lunch. I was able to forge relationships with kids during their lunches because they would come to my classroom and we had time to chat and vent. I saw firsthand how thrilling and devastating friendships and relationships are during this time in life. And, for the record, teens/preteens with social media borders on dangerous! {I know I sound old, but...!} Dang it kids can be mean online! They post stuff that is truly, truly awful! I wish I wasn’t as surprised as I was with what kids showed me, but dang it, I was! Yikes!

This silly, old office chair ended up being the chair that kids would sit in when they wanted to chat with me. I had to "Marie Kondo" it at the end of the year because of space, and I really did thank it for its service! 

Scary social media aside, these relationships were so fun and I am grateful that they were a part of my school year. I tried to soak in and treasure the moments I shared with the people that were in front of me. Some shared random, funny stories while some shared tearful intimate fears and problems they were having with friends or family. I felt a connection that seemed to seep into my molecules a bit more this year and it was a true gift for me as I continued to heal and grow from a crazy shift in what this job is and what it means to me. 

Another pure, unadulterated joy I found this year was my bond with my students, all of my students, whether they liked it or not, and Taylor Swift. If you follow me on Instagram, you know my obsession with my best friend Tay. Well, I brought that obsession into my classroom, and attending the Eras tour in March didn’t lessen my obnoxious devotion one bit. I’m going to the July show in Denver, so the nonstop playlists and Lavender Haze kept growing. These kids had no chance. They were stuck with any sort of reference I could make to her, random trivia, {her favorite dessert is cheesecake!} and yet another countdown to the July show. {46 days as of today!}

One of a few thank you notes I received that mentioned Taylor Swift. Oh, and my love for Starbucks too. #basic

Of course, in the midst of all this goodness, I am not totally delusional. Teaching in America and in Colorado still comes with its share of heartache and struggle. The hoops we have to jump through to do what we love really sucks. The constant fight for respectable pay, understanding the real terror of gun violence within our workplace, and our need to “justify” what we do is exhausting. There are district issues and building issues to deal with too. These issues, unfortunately, hit close to home for me.

I got caught in the crosshairs of a budget cut and have had to mourn the loss of this year’s dream job. I am VERY grateful to not only have a job, but to have a job that will hopefully have some crossover with my skill set, but I am also terrified…so here it goes…

Folks, I am going to be a 7th-grade social studies teacher next year. The curriculum for 7th grade is ancient civilizations--technically it’s called, World Area Studies: Eastern Hemisphere. Hmm. I’m not sure either! 

All I know is that I will really, really try to be creative with how I present information and I will hopefully get to help students be creative with helping them see their place in the scope of history and how their story matters within the stories that we’ll explore. I also know that I need to learn a shit ton of stuff I don’t know about! Like, a whole new professional vocabulary I know nothing about. At year 16 of teaching and year 52 of life… BUT! I love a new challenge, right? {HELP ME, BABY JESUS!}

I received several amazing thank you notes and messages in my yearbook that moved me and reminded me that all the work is worth it. The one below is one that just took my breath away. It’s relatively simple, but the power it holds for me is monumental. 

Dear Mrs. Laniel,

It has been a whole semester since your class and I can’t forget the magical feeling I got when I was in your class. I felt free and as if the possibilities were endless. I am so sad that Speech and Debate is not being offered anymore, that class was truly amazing. Thank you for inspiring me. I feel very fortunate to be surrounded by people who have been nurtured by you. I will miss you!

This meant so, so much to me. I just started bawling when I read this because these words captured what I have tried to build with kids. I know in my heart that no matter what I teach I will strive to be a safe space for students to be themselves. I will strive to give them a space to be nurtured. I will strive to be myself even if I don’t know what the Neo-Assyrian Empire is. 🙂

So, as summer starts and I begin my routine of doing some crash course history learning, reading novels I’ve put off, binge-watching shows, hanging out with my nieces and nephews as much as possible {oh, and their parents too!}, going to the neighborhood pool, planning our trip to the CABIN!, planning my parents 80th birthday party and family reunion, and of course seeing Taylor in July, I will continue to reflect on how lucky I have been to learn and grow with these crazy kids. I still love teaching middle school even if I have to learn a brand new curriculum to do it and I have more gray hair because of it. 

Cheers to summer break, everyone! 

 

Finding My Purpose

 Year 14 of teaching is in the books! Whew! As I wrap up all of my end of the year tasks and gear up for a week in Mexico, (I KNOW!!!) I reflect on all the places I failed, succeeded, grew, and thrived this year. 

Last year, my end of the school year post was all about goodbyes. I was leaving a place I knew and loved and I had to say goodbye to so many parts of my life that were established and thriving. So it makes sense that starting over at a new school has been WAY more emotionally draining than I anticipated. But as our holiday card stated, in the midst of the grief, I found hope in surprising places--namely through my sweet 6th graders. Someday (sadly a long, long, long time from now…) when I look back over my years of teaching I absolutely know that this year with 6th graders will be the one that transformed me.

Teaching 6th graders has shown me the goodness of teaching in ways I was missing and forgetting. They helped me remember why I got into this gig in the first place and they showed me a purity in kindness and approach to life that truly shifted my molecules. They saved me. 

I was asked over and over this year how things were going. Did I like my new school? Did I like teaching 6th grade? Was I forging connections with the community? Did I have an okay commute? Did I have friends at work? Did I like my room? Will I be returning?

The answer to all of these questions is yes but starting over has taken its toll and these yeses were not always a sure thing. Living in the nos and maybes was rough. I relied heavily on my people to navigate the gray, unsteady places the year took me. But, as I slowly figured out all of the unknowns and felt confident in my yeses, I’ve realized how fitting into a new place still requires me to trust the core of who I am and how I am wired. 

This can be a very vulnerable process! I questioned everything! How do I establish friends (especially in my 50s!) without history or a common zip code? How do I speak up for the philosophical parts of education that matter to me without being annoying? How do I stop comparing my last school to this school and just be present? How do I ask for help? How do I not feel self-conscious about how other teachers “do better” than me? How do I stop asking so many questions?!??!?!??!

The answer is that I don’t. I came to a realization that this is who I am and I don’t want to be shy about what I know, what I don’t know, and who I am professionally and personally.

I also found in answering all these questions and in telling people about my year that I am holding five things sacred to why this school works and why I am going to be okay. 

One: The kids. I really love these kids and I am truly grateful for them every day. 

My labor of love--the yearbook-- holds some pretty sweet messages from kids. *sigh* So grateful.

Two:  My lunch bunch! I have 3 friends that I eat with every day and I WOULD DIE WITHOUT THEM! 

Three: My commute. It’s truly the most perfect commute. It’s not too long or short and it’s all highway so there’s never really any traffic.

Four: My classroom. I was worried about my classroom when I first saw it because it is an odd shape and was not really set up the way I like to teach (it has individual desks instead of tables and chairs…) But I quickly realized that the back wall of windows SAVE MY LIFE EVERY DAY! Seriously. The row of trees and large lawns right outside my windows give me life. 

My Trees:)

Five: The English Language Arts (ELA) team and my new opportunity to expand my ELA passions next year. I am surrounded by very smart, innovative, fun, and supportive people and I am so grateful.

As far as extending my ELA passions, the structure of the ELA department shifted and an amazing opportunity came my way. I will be teaching language arts elective classes which means engaging with readers, writers, and speakers in a context outside of their “regular” ELA classes. I am building my own curriculum and will be engaging with all grade levels. Students choose their electives so I will have students who mostly, kinda, sorta, in theory, want to be there! 

I will be teaching speech and debate, dystopian writing, literature & film and I will continue to teach journalism and do the yearbook so it will be a FULL year, but I am super excited to discover how students express themselves beyond the traditional ELA structures.

In a very random conversation with Alexa one day, I asked her what my purpose was. She said this: “The purpose of your life is to express your unique strengths, talents, and creativity in a manner that serves others and will sustain and fulfill you.” This definition struck a chord with me. I realized that I am in a place where I can truly live out my purpose. I am beginning to feel like myself and I am starting to take root here. I want to be a part of what Manning has to offer and feel connected to helping students thrive. I want to start this next chapter of my teaching career with confidence that I am in the right place at the right time. 

But first I want to drink margaritas by the pool and watch the sunset over the Pacific ocean. 

Cheers!

Bye, Karl! {And other goodbyes that aren't as easy...}

Goodbyes are hard.

I try to avoid them at all costs. 

Some goodbyes are easy, however, and saying goodbye to COVID teaching is easy. Like, super easy. The amount of "pivots" we had to endure this year makes us superheroes. Every single one of us. And you better believe everything is crossed that teaching from here on out is mask-free and in my own classroom. Everything is crossed that I see my kids every day and that I never have to Zoom again. {Well, maybe Zoom staff meetings could remain--those weren't so bad...}

This brings me to another easy goodbye...Goodbye, Karl the Kart! I had to push Karl to a new classroom every hour. I had to load Karl with supplies, papers, books, my keyboard, USB, mouse, my laptop, phone, and any other items I might need. I forgot something almost every day. I had to take time to set stuff up in each classroom in an efficient way and it felt like nothing was efficient, ever. 

I am also saying goodbye to a 35-minute (one way) commute. In some ways, my commute has been a gift. I got in the habit of calling family and friends and catching up on the news. I listened to podcasts and Taylor Swift playlists. But after 8 years, 70 minutes every day has become a lot. Goodbye, long commute! {Especially snowy ones!}

{This t-shirt was made by one of my students! It's SO PERFECT!}

Sometimes I can't control when I have to say goodbye to something and that's tricky and a bit more difficult.

So. This is tricky.

I am a casualty of low enrollment and was displaced by my school, Deer Creek. After 8 years of teaching 8th-grade language arts, I have to say goodbye to a school I have invested so much of my heart and soul into and it has not been easy. I will establish a new home at The Manning School of Academics and Arts in Golden starting in August, but for now, I have to say goodbye to a place that has shaped me in so many important ways.

I am grateful for what Deer Creek has taught me about teaching and the ways that the amazing staff showed me how to honor my strengths and understand ways I can grow.  I have been grateful for the lifelong friends I have gained and the many, many, laughs and tears we have shared. I am grateful to my work wife for allowing me to be myself and for giving me hope on a regular basis. 

My various team members have been life-giving and I am a better person because of each of them. {Goats in trees, baby!} I am grateful for the endless support and grace extended to me through so many different people.  The memes, the donuts, the coffee, the happy hours, the inside jokes, {The candy won't crush itself!} the everyday miracles in the mundane that have made me a better person.

I'm saying goodbye to you, Deer Creek {and the BEST cohort in the school!!}, with a grateful heart. {Nevermind the bags under my eyes--they're the mascot of 2020-21...}

As I navigate these goodbyes--the easy and difficult ones, I know that this really weird school year taught me about persistence and resilience. I did more than I thought I could ever do under stressful circumstances. We all did. 

{I might miss the view from my room most of all!}

And as I continue to reflect on all things bitter and sweet about year 13 of teaching, I know that I do all of it for the kids. I am grateful for the wonderful ways they have taught me to Stay Gold--no matter what. 

I was lucky enough to have some of this Gold captured in notes from kids and it means so much to me. 

Cue the crying emoji.

Yup. These goodbyes are hard but I also know that there are lots of Stay Gold moments in my future and I welcome them with open arms.

Miracles in the (Pandemic) Mundane

It's been part of my intentional perspective to look for miracles in the mundane. Those seemingly insignificant moments can change a mood or bring a smile, and they always shift a point of view. This intention while teaching during a pandemic changed everything. I saw life differently and the miracles seemed more vivid and important. 

This year of teaching has been full of pivots with multiple changes to schedules, routines, and expectations. We've been 100% remote so we taught through Zoom. We were hybrid so kids were in school 2 days a week. And next month we are going back 100% in-person meaning ALL kids every day...Yeah, like regular school, but not at all. Teachers will still have to rotate rooms, kids don't get a passing period or lockers or see anyone else outside of their cohort classroom. It's not "back to normal," not by a long shot. But we pivot and we adjust and we know we will continue to have resilience as we learn together. 

Because of all the pivots, I didn't get to teach my poetry elective so my poor students have had to endure the places I shove poetry at them like a parent disguising vegetables in a meal. "No! I swear this is normal spaghetti! It just smells like cauliflower, it's delicious!"

 "Yes! All the kids in the 8th grade have to write a poem! It's part of the curriculum! It's fine!"

My disguises worked. 

We didn't have to reach for inspiration because 22-year-old Amanda Gorman led the way perfectly. We read and analyzed the poem she read at the 2021 inauguration, The Hill We Climb to start our social justice unit. From there we read her poem Miracle of Morning which she wrote in April of 2020 as a way to put words to our new normal.  She plays on the words morning and mourning, so I asked my students to write a poem with that in mind. They were to reflect on the last year and recognize the morning and mourning we endured together and answer the question:  What has this year been like for you? 

I wanted to share some of their poems here because it turns out they had a lot to say and every word is a miracle.

_______________________

Our New Normal

Six AM. 

Wake up again.

Up and ready for school.

This is school now.

That’s what they said.

That’s what they told me.

I don’t see faces, I see screens. 

The screens that echo out my name.

No one wants to answer.

The boy on the corner sighs.

He wanted to see his father.

Flying to New York.

He's his favorite.

The one time he can see him.

Glancing at the headline, 

“Airports Close Due To Virus”.

“Not this time buddy”.

His phone echos to him.

He hangs up the call.

My mother screams yet again.

We have woken her at noon.

She still can’t sleep.

We are too loud for her.

We are now at home.

I walk too loud.

My brother talks too loud.

She has been working twice as hard.

The rest of the department is gone.

Is she next? It echos.

She attempts to sleep again.

The owner of the shop looks around.

He really shouldn’t be here.

He just rents the space.

It has been months.

He still can’t open the shop.

The flowers he left here are withering.

The Open/Closed sign echos goodbye.

He leaves the keys on the counter.

_____~ART~_____

This Year

The Covid-19 pandemic has taken so much from me, my family, and my friends.

And I’m only in 8th grade. 

I remember at the start of March 2020 we heard of this thing called the coronavirus.

We got two weeks off of school.

It is now March of 2021, and we are still trying to get through.

No matter what way you look at it, this year had some really low, lows.

But there were still different things to smile about, for each and every one of us.

Together, we pushed through the toughest part.

Being fully online, feeling stuck.

And we still talked to friends, just in new ways.

We stayed together as a world.

We tried to find new hobbies.

Some succeeded, some failed, but at least we tried.

I think we can all agree with the weirdness and suck of 2020,

but we have 9 more months of 2021 to look forward to.

Things are already looking up. 

Schools everywhere are going back to full in person. Covid numbers are dropping.

And even though this pandemic will change our lives for what seems like forever,

we still have a lot to look forward to.

It can’t get worse than this. Right?

But if it does get even worse,

we’ll do that together too.

______~CF~______

Waking Up in the Morning...

Waking up in the morning...

Knowing every day is the same.

Knowing that my family is counting on me.

Knowing that my parents expect the best of me.

Knowing that I have to be a better role model for my brother.

It's all Tiring. 

Waking up in the morning...

When you always have to have a smile on your face from the start.

Whether it's pretended or real; it makes people feel better.

Smiles have a meaning behind them, that when it shows on your face you're having a good time.

Many people believe that when someone is smiling they are automatically happy when a lot can hide behind it.

Waking up in the morning...

New day, same things happening, every day is the same.

“Do something different!”

“Go on a walk!”

“Turn in your work!”

No motivation going through your head, I just want to do nothing.

Waking up in the morning...

Everything is on repeat when the same thing is happening.

I have stopped noticing the good things that come 

and that is because 

Every day is the same. 

____~JD~___

352

I awake once again same room, same bed.

I let quarantine get the best of me, social media ingrained in my head.

352 days in the same house; seasons, holidays, birthdays passing by.

Have I been asleep all year?

Nothing feels real, I need to open my eyes.

Nonetheless, there is a fresh start with every sunrise.

Watching the sky glowing pink, orange, and white.

A sense of security, that everything will be alright.

Days pass by, almost identical to before.

But maybe, just maybe my life won't be such a bore.

As the sunrise feels warmer on this sleepy morning.

It's been 352 days, what's a few more? 

The light at the end of the tunnel that has never been here before

seems closer and closer.

Let’s see what’s in store.

____~LC~____

Miracles?

Days go by as I drown in my sorrows.

Days turn into months as I see the bubbles floating to the surface.

I can’t wait for the day where someone lifts me out of the world.

Sports being canceled.

Deep depression becomes the new normal.

I lay here in my sorrows for what is tomorrow.

The morning has come. 

Just another terrible day. 

I look outside and pray.

For the sun is shining, animals all around.

God is there. 

I think I have been found.

My eyes fill with tears.

The happiness like a lifeboat.

I am being lifted from the strong current trying to pull me down.

I am new. 

The one you see has thick skin. 

We will win.

We are in the future. 

_____~JL~_____

Every Day

Waking up in the morning

too lazy to eat breakfast.

Trying to stay awake while listening to your teachers. 

Struggling to get your work done but your phone distracts you

and missing assignments overwhelm you.

The long days at school are over.

All you want to do is see your friends.

You watch movies with your family.

And pet your dog.

Dinners outside bring your napkins to the floor.

The sun is going down.

Showering brings happiness to know it's the end of the day.

Tiktoks keep you creeping awake. 

Till you fall asleep for the same thing to happen every day.

_____~JH~_____

As One

It is together that we can thrive.

Being fortunate enough to go through this time of mourning 

as one.

We can no longer act as individuals but instead as a community, a country.

 It is as a country that we can wake up and see hope.

Hope for our society, our economy, our world.

I find confidence in knowing everyone is going through the struggles together.

 We can't let fear overcome our strong country. 

Struggles and mourning are something to expect in every part of our life but overcoming it as one is something only the strongest can do.

Grasping onto challenges using them to make them stronger is something that gives me hope.  Without movement as a whole nothing will ever change.

 We need to wake up and see that we can make a change. 

When surprise and fear are gone there is nothing left but obligations towards our country.

The fate of our country depends on our dedication to it. 

It is friendship and unity and strength and courage and integrity that holds us together. 

____~AS~____

Find the Happies

A quiet morning with light shining through my window,

knowing the day will be rough I also know I’ll pull through.

All the little happies,

the things that make me smile, that make me laugh, that’s what helps me.

My friends, my family, constant things that make me smile.

Because even in the darkest times, there’s a light.

They can’t exist without each other,

so know that there will be someone holding a flashlight.

Find the little happies,

and move on with your wonderful morning,

knowing that you are loved here

and on the other side.

________~BM~________

It's Our Job

Everyone struggles together, regardless of the issues.

It's everyone's job to come together to help.

Standing against those who bring hate,

yet balancing that while standing with those who bring love.

Regardless of skin, religion,  and beliefs.

Everyone needs a crutch of support.

It is everyone's job to come together to help

in the face of the problems.

Hold hands together.

Wipe tears together.

Mourn together.

Most importantly, come together to help those who need it.

____~KH~_____

Miracles.

I wake up to my 7:45 alarm.

It’s time for on-line school. 

It really doesn’t have the same charm.

Open up the computer and look at the date

March 2nd.

Try to find out the next time I’ll see my classmates.

Hey, at least I’m at home.

With my family, my pets, and the comfort of my bed.

Used to not appreciate it.

Guess this pandemic has been changing my head.

Is it a good thing?

I think I’m just being misled.

For some reason, I’m more respected.

Being at home with my family

we’re more connected.

The little things mean more.

But I've been in this pandemic so long

I feel like a dinosaur.

_____~HF~_____

Friends

The miracle in my mourning is my close friends.

The way that they are able to cheer me up each time I'm feeling down.

The way that they show me that I’m cared for and appreciated each time around.

They always make me laugh and they always make me smile.

They are my miracle.

_______~JA_______

Hope Can Carry You A Long Way

In the wake of the morning, a fresh start always greets you

with a nice warm soothing thought.

Starting over means new chances and greater things to accomplish,

however, things come from all sides trying to knock us down.

With the morning comes new demons that we all fight.

But, there is always a light at the end of the seemingly endless tunnel.

This tunnel may seem long and the light may seem dim,

but there are always positive notes to look at and positive things that happen every day.

Don't worry about the finished project,

instead, worry about the projects that are given to you today.

If you focus on the little things, the bigger things fall into place.

As the day closes and you fall asleep, you can't help but think, “Will this ever end?” 

A lot of times all people need is a little hope.

Hope can carry you a long way.

________~SM~_______

Was Today Going to be Better? 

Rising up from my mattress after a sleep that was well needed.

Was today going to be better? 

I guess we’ll have to see. 

What happened the day before shall not reflect the next morning.

A new, fresh era does not have room for mourning.

Misery filled my dreams the night before.

But now’s the time to explore:

New wonders and opportunities to solve what we mourn.

Don’t back down, don’t turn around.

There is still a full day that is bound to be great.

We’ll get through this together.

However, keep in mind, bad days will come like rain with the weather.

We won’t be stopped until we make it to the top.

So wake up each day with new hopes and goals.

And pray that miracles will enter our souls.

______~TD~______

Miracles in the Mundane

To wake up in the same routine but knowing there’s no knowing

is perplexing.

But to find the good in our neighborhood despite the restrictions

feels like connecting. 

The hearts on the windows. 

The 6-foot hellos.

The 8:00 howls. 

The movies we chose.

This feels like hope. Like a morning anew.

The simplest of miracles show us the way and give us a clue.

Finding the depths of gratitude in the midst of the grief

This means we are the miracles in the mundane; like the turning of a leaf. 

______~KJL~______

Pretty amazing, right? The ways they captured the hope and heartache, the changes and new normals. This generation will forever be marked by the pandemic and I think they will continue to teach us all about what it means to be resilient and hopeful.

Thank you, sweet 8th grade class, of 2020-21 for giving me these poetic, miraculous words, even if it was against your will.