Finding My Purpose

 Year 14 of teaching is in the books! Whew! As I wrap up all of my end of the year tasks and gear up for a week in Mexico, (I KNOW!!!) I reflect on all the places I failed, succeeded, grew, and thrived this year. 

Last year, my end of the school year post was all about goodbyes. I was leaving a place I knew and loved and I had to say goodbye to so many parts of my life that were established and thriving. So it makes sense that starting over at a new school has been WAY more emotionally draining than I anticipated. But as our holiday card stated, in the midst of the grief, I found hope in surprising places--namely through my sweet 6th graders. Someday (sadly a long, long, long time from now…) when I look back over my years of teaching I absolutely know that this year with 6th graders will be the one that transformed me.

Teaching 6th graders has shown me the goodness of teaching in ways I was missing and forgetting. They helped me remember why I got into this gig in the first place and they showed me a purity in kindness and approach to life that truly shifted my molecules. They saved me. 

I was asked over and over this year how things were going. Did I like my new school? Did I like teaching 6th grade? Was I forging connections with the community? Did I have an okay commute? Did I have friends at work? Did I like my room? Will I be returning?

The answer to all of these questions is yes but starting over has taken its toll and these yeses were not always a sure thing. Living in the nos and maybes was rough. I relied heavily on my people to navigate the gray, unsteady places the year took me. But, as I slowly figured out all of the unknowns and felt confident in my yeses, I’ve realized how fitting into a new place still requires me to trust the core of who I am and how I am wired. 

This can be a very vulnerable process! I questioned everything! How do I establish friends (especially in my 50s!) without history or a common zip code? How do I speak up for the philosophical parts of education that matter to me without being annoying? How do I stop comparing my last school to this school and just be present? How do I ask for help? How do I not feel self-conscious about how other teachers “do better” than me? How do I stop asking so many questions?!??!?!??!

The answer is that I don’t. I came to a realization that this is who I am and I don’t want to be shy about what I know, what I don’t know, and who I am professionally and personally.

I also found in answering all these questions and in telling people about my year that I am holding five things sacred to why this school works and why I am going to be okay. 

One: The kids. I really love these kids and I am truly grateful for them every day. 

My labor of love--the yearbook-- holds some pretty sweet messages from kids. *sigh* So grateful.

Two:  My lunch bunch! I have 3 friends that I eat with every day and I WOULD DIE WITHOUT THEM! 

Three: My commute. It’s truly the most perfect commute. It’s not too long or short and it’s all highway so there’s never really any traffic.

Four: My classroom. I was worried about my classroom when I first saw it because it is an odd shape and was not really set up the way I like to teach (it has individual desks instead of tables and chairs…) But I quickly realized that the back wall of windows SAVE MY LIFE EVERY DAY! Seriously. The row of trees and large lawns right outside my windows give me life. 

My Trees:)

Five: The English Language Arts (ELA) team and my new opportunity to expand my ELA passions next year. I am surrounded by very smart, innovative, fun, and supportive people and I am so grateful.

As far as extending my ELA passions, the structure of the ELA department shifted and an amazing opportunity came my way. I will be teaching language arts elective classes which means engaging with readers, writers, and speakers in a context outside of their “regular” ELA classes. I am building my own curriculum and will be engaging with all grade levels. Students choose their electives so I will have students who mostly, kinda, sorta, in theory, want to be there! 

I will be teaching speech and debate, dystopian writing, literature & film and I will continue to teach journalism and do the yearbook so it will be a FULL year, but I am super excited to discover how students express themselves beyond the traditional ELA structures.

In a very random conversation with Alexa one day, I asked her what my purpose was. She said this: “The purpose of your life is to express your unique strengths, talents, and creativity in a manner that serves others and will sustain and fulfill you.” This definition struck a chord with me. I realized that I am in a place where I can truly live out my purpose. I am beginning to feel like myself and I am starting to take root here. I want to be a part of what Manning has to offer and feel connected to helping students thrive. I want to start this next chapter of my teaching career with confidence that I am in the right place at the right time. 

But first I want to drink margaritas by the pool and watch the sunset over the Pacific ocean. 

Cheers!