The Miracles That Save Us

 Happy Holidays from the Laniels!

This little blog started with the premise that miracles can be found in the most mundane of spaces in our lives. It’s the little moments that shift our perspective and shape our worldview so we’re kinder, happier, and able to extend grace to those around us. The thing about miracles is that they can’t always be explained. They show up and give us hope when we least expect them. 

The Laniels had miracles show up when we least expect them and we’re so very grateful.

Brian spent half of 2021 unemployed and searching for the right fit for his skill set and a job that would give him joy. The miracle of the perfect job showed up in July. His former company, Marsh, where he worked for 17 years, rehired him into a new position that is challenging and exciting. He’s thriving in learning new things, meeting new people, and working remotely so the kids aren’t lonely. (Brian is EXTREMELY patient with these VERY NEEDY animals…what a saint!)

He turns 50 in May, so hopefully, we’ll celebrate in style! 

Brian's daily view

My miracles have shown up in the form of 11-year-old kids who surprise me every day. Teaching 6th grade was not on the bucket list, but it has turned out to be an incredible experience of embracing all sorts of different learners and super random stories about super random things. These kids have truly saved my life. Starting at a new school, teaching a new grade, figuring out new systems of being a part of a school community and so much more have challenged me in ways that caused me to question everything. But these amazing little miracles have shown me how to slow down, breathe, listen, embrace challenges, and hope. (Here is some background to this!)

This note from a student killed me!

I once again (14th time!)  read the holiday story, “The Lump of Coal” by Lemony Snicket to my students. It is about finding unexpected miracles during this holiday season. It says:

"It is a miracle if you can find true friends, and it is a miracle if you have enough food to eat, and it is a miracle if you get to spend your days and evenings doing whatever it is you like to do, and the holiday season--like all the other seasons--is a good time not only to tell stories of miracles, but to think about the miracles in your own life, and to be grateful for them." 

As I sort through all that this year has brought us and what is yet to come and I am overwhelmingly grateful for all the miracles that have shown up. 

YOU are one of our miracles this year and we are so very grateful.

Cheers to you all! 

Happy Holidays from The Laniels!

 "Lift your heads up. Be grateful you are going through this sad moment with all these other folks."~ Ted Lasso

 {Thank you, Ted Lasso, for being perfect. And, if you haven't already, watch this flawless show on Apple+, right now!} 

Happy Holidays from The Laniels!

There's really nothing new to say about the 2020 dumpster fire that hasn't been said already, but I truly think that we are coming out the other side feeling so grateful for all the miracles in the mundane like never before.

In our holiday card last year I was truly contemplating leaving this crazy teaching profession. I found renewed hope in February and decided to commit. Then came March.

                                                  {I wrote about the end of the last school year here.}                                                            

As summer plodded along, there were so many questions and so many unknowns it was difficult to know how to feel about what the school year would entail.

When questions were answered tripled and my school district adopted a hybrid model for middle school, more questions and more feelings unfolded.  

How was I supposed to teach all day in a mask? How do I connect with my one section of fully remote students? How do I connect with students I only see in person 2 hours a week? How do I maintain rigor/engagement/differentiation for 130 kids that are overwhelmed and worried too? Fully remote? How do I do that? How do I keep forgetting to change the settings on my Google docs so anyone with the link can view them? How come attendance takes 10,987 steps and takes 1,235 minutes? 

Everyday, So. Many. Questions.

Everything takes twice the effort and twice the attention to detail and it's been exhausting--for all of us. This is where the Ted Lasso quote gives me so much hope: We are not alone in this. I get the irony of this word alone. We did not see friends in person or celebrate big birthdays {50!!!} or graduating {whoop Brian!} with parties and we felt alone in feeling anxious all the livelong day, but somehow we were not alone.

I was not alone in the weirdness of teaching. Brian was not alone in being unemployed and searching for jobs. {He has a few prospects right now and all of our fingers and toes are crossed that things will fall into place!!!!} My friends who have small children were not alone in trying to stay sane. My friends working from home with make-shift offices and sketchy wifi were not alone. We know all too well that our pets weren't alone. God forbid we ran an errand without them for more than an hour! My family was not alone in worrying for our aging parents and hoping they would wear a freaking mask. {!!!!} {They do, for the most part, and they are fine, but still...} 

We were not alone.

As we head into this next phase of weirdness, may we hold onto the truth of what miracles are--they are the things that surprise us and give us joy when we need it the most. They are out there, I promise, but if you're having a difficult time seeing them, I will help you because you are not alone.

The Holiday Edition

Happy Holidays from the Laniels!

We hope you and yours have a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

During the month of  November, I do a little kindness campaign with my students. I challenge them to do one kind thing a day like make someone laugh, help someone work out a problem, help a stranger, or simply smile. One of the challenges is to listen to each other. Like, really, really listen. I tell them that every generation has needed to learn this skill but in our day and age where we are so easily distracted by our social media accounts or the alerts ringing on our phones, we have to work extra hard to really listen to others. 

After my spiel, one of my students, {who is an incredible human being!} shared with me something he learned that might connect with this idea of listening to each other. He told me that in South Africa in one of the languages called Xhosa, one greets another person by saying "Sawubona"--which is translated to "I see you". The reply is "Ngikhona"--which means "I am here".  When he told me this I realized how very important these words have been to us this year. 

I see you. 

Brian's process of completing his business degree has been a huge transition for our family. He took 20 credit hours at UCD  this semester and he did an amazing job getting everything done and done well. I am so proud of him!

This process has taught him a lot about himself and about how advocating for what you need and being honest with what you are able to do and not do changes everything. He has had to be vulnerable and willing to let his professors see him as a student and he has had to embrace his fellow students for who they are. This has been a unique process. Going back to school in your 40's is a different ballgame than when we are in our 20's. Seeing people in the midst of self-discovery is a trip. Brian has had to slow down and see people in a new way. I wish this could be added to his resume somehow. He's amazing!

And, for the record, his ability to see me for who I am and what I am trying to do this year has been astounding. There isn't another person in this world who sees me as he does. I treasure him for this and for 1,000,000 more reasons that I don't have time to write about here.

For me, the "I see you" has been a struggle. Teaching has been difficult for the last few years. I am going through a "crisis of faith" of sorts around how I am supposed to navigate my teaching career's future. I am feeling weary about how I see my students and the ins and outs of the job itself. I feel like I struggle every day with seeing the good and helping my kids see themselves as good. But when my superstar student told be about Sawubona, I realized I needed to stop spinning and start seeing again. It's why I got into this crazy job. I see students. I see them as viable humans that have so much to give and so much to learn. I want them to see how they fit in this world because they do. I want them to see why they're important. I also want them to see why reading and writing is life, but that might be asking a bit too much. :)

I am in the process of not throwing in the towel, but I'm not out of the woods yet. I am trying to see if who I am and what I do professionally is congruent. If you have any insight into this process, if you know winning lottery numbers, or if you think I would be good at a different job, tell me! I'll send you my resume! {For real.}

I Am Here 
When I start seeing, I become more present; more here. There is a lot of power to be in the here. A lot is missed when we're not. You won't be surprised that the ways we've been in the here have been through Baxter and Waffles. Baxter will be 10 in March and as he continues to age, he has become more and more loyal to us. He gives us hugs, brings us toys, plays with Waffles and is just generally here with us--no matter what. 

We got Waffles in June. He was a tiny kitten when we got him but he is now 13.5 pounds. That's huge! He has adjusted to being a Laniel just fine. He is a daddy's boy to be sure. He can't get enough of Brian. It's super cute. He has a wonderful purr, loud meow and he snores, loudly--just like Brian. 

These silly fur lovies help me so much. 
They help me catch my breath. They help me smile. They help me slow down. They help me feel loved and appreciated. They help me be here.

We hope that as we jump into 2020 we continue to embrace Sawubona and Ngikhona because to be seen and to be present truly is the best gift of all. 

Cheers!

WAFFLES!

We got a kitten.
Like a kitten, kitten.

 Like a little, baby kitten...  

I am a cat person, I've adopted cats before, but I have never had a kitten this little.

 He is so tiny! 

  Getting another cat did not come without a slew of emotions. Losing our Birney hit our family hard. I wasn't sure if my heart had space or the ability to love another cat. But as the year progressed and I talked about summer plans, getting a kitten felt more and more like the right thing to do. And then when I mentioned this in one of my classes, one of my students told me that her friend's cat just had kittens. She showed me a picture of them and I knew it was time, even though I was still unsure of how to give my heart to this new kitten.

 All of these emotions came to a head when I brought the kitten to his first vet visit. When I saw our vet I burst into tears and so did she. {She had known Birney for 10+ years!} Our vet was instrumental in helping us know what was best for Birney and she was an integral part of my grief process. She assured me that feeling this range of emotions was normal.  She told me about her "heart dog" who passed away and the difficulty she had bonding with her new dog. Birney was my "heart cat" but she encouraged me that while it might take time to fully bond with him, that this little nugget needs our love and we have it to give.

This is our"Birney bloom".  Some friends gave us this plant after Birney died and, of course, the Birney bloom showed up the day we got Waffles. 

Helping Baxter be a big brother has been another layer of emotion. I googled, read books and even prayed a little to figure out how to do this introduction well. 


But when you have a dog you call "The Sheriff", because he is so protective of us, it is bound to be a bit complicated. Baxter is always aware of what is happening around him and he is always vocal about it. The first introduction to the kitten put Baxter past a 10 and it was so, so hard!

Poor buddy. He's not aggressive,  just full-on {LOUD!} worried barking. UGH!

To top it off, Brian had to go out of town for the week. I lasted 30 minutes without him and called my parents in complete meltdown mode. Luckily they were here within an hour and Baxter is spending the week on a mini-vacation with grandma and grandpa. 

 I am clinging to the fact that everything is in process. My friend, Shana, sent me this text and it has been a lifeline for me: "Baxter will get it...it all just feels so new right now...for him and you! Trust yourself...your heart and gut know what is "just the thing" for this moment." I know that when Brian gets back we will start the introduction process again, but with a better plan and more consistency. 
I know we can do this!

Choosing the name Waffles was layered as well. I had a list of many, many names but kept coming back to Waffles. I first heard it as an option when a friend at work told us about the shenanigans his neighbor's cat, Waffles, got into. I loved Waffle's stories and I thought that his name was so cute. My coworkers and I also decided to use his formal name every now and again which is Lord von Waffles, Duke of Waffleton. I think he is deserving of the title:)

Another layer to the name--is kinda silly--but Brian and I have been, what some might call, connoisseurs of the waffle throughout our entire relationship. We own the best waffle iron you can buy and we are always on the hunt for the perfect waffle recipe. We try them in restaurants and we have strong opinions about what makes the best waffle. 

The last nod to waffles goes to my TV hero, Leslie Knope from the TV show Parks and Rec. If you are not familiar, do yourself a favor and binge-watch this show and you will agree that waffles are flawless.{For about a day we were thinking of naming the kitten Lil' Sebastian...maybe that will be his middle name.} 

For my Instagram posts, I chose the hashtag #wafflesmakesyousmile because I think that is so true. I also think it fits the part of my heart that needs to smile again and this sweet {smiling!} face is just the ticket.

Sweet baby Waffles, we love you! You will soon rule the roost and you will know how good it is to be in the Laniel family. I will continue to take hundreds of pictures of you and you will always have treats.

And, I think if your dad got this on his trip for us, we're gonna be okay.