Bye, Karl! {And other goodbyes that aren't as easy...}

Goodbyes are hard.

I try to avoid them at all costs. 

Some goodbyes are easy, however, and saying goodbye to COVID teaching is easy. Like, super easy. The amount of "pivots" we had to endure this year makes us superheroes. Every single one of us. And you better believe everything is crossed that teaching from here on out is mask-free and in my own classroom. Everything is crossed that I see my kids every day and that I never have to Zoom again. {Well, maybe Zoom staff meetings could remain--those weren't so bad...}

This brings me to another easy goodbye...Goodbye, Karl the Kart! I had to push Karl to a new classroom every hour. I had to load Karl with supplies, papers, books, my keyboard, USB, mouse, my laptop, phone, and any other items I might need. I forgot something almost every day. I had to take time to set stuff up in each classroom in an efficient way and it felt like nothing was efficient, ever. 

I am also saying goodbye to a 35-minute (one way) commute. In some ways, my commute has been a gift. I got in the habit of calling family and friends and catching up on the news. I listened to podcasts and Taylor Swift playlists. But after 8 years, 70 minutes every day has become a lot. Goodbye, long commute! {Especially snowy ones!}

{This t-shirt was made by one of my students! It's SO PERFECT!}

Sometimes I can't control when I have to say goodbye to something and that's tricky and a bit more difficult.

So. This is tricky.

I am a casualty of low enrollment and was displaced by my school, Deer Creek. After 8 years of teaching 8th-grade language arts, I have to say goodbye to a school I have invested so much of my heart and soul into and it has not been easy. I will establish a new home at The Manning School of Academics and Arts in Golden starting in August, but for now, I have to say goodbye to a place that has shaped me in so many important ways.

I am grateful for what Deer Creek has taught me about teaching and the ways that the amazing staff showed me how to honor my strengths and understand ways I can grow.  I have been grateful for the lifelong friends I have gained and the many, many, laughs and tears we have shared. I am grateful to my work wife for allowing me to be myself and for giving me hope on a regular basis. 

My various team members have been life-giving and I am a better person because of each of them. {Goats in trees, baby!} I am grateful for the endless support and grace extended to me through so many different people.  The memes, the donuts, the coffee, the happy hours, the inside jokes, {The candy won't crush itself!} the everyday miracles in the mundane that have made me a better person.

I'm saying goodbye to you, Deer Creek {and the BEST cohort in the school!!}, with a grateful heart. {Nevermind the bags under my eyes--they're the mascot of 2020-21...}

As I navigate these goodbyes--the easy and difficult ones, I know that this really weird school year taught me about persistence and resilience. I did more than I thought I could ever do under stressful circumstances. We all did. 

{I might miss the view from my room most of all!}

And as I continue to reflect on all things bitter and sweet about year 13 of teaching, I know that I do all of it for the kids. I am grateful for the wonderful ways they have taught me to Stay Gold--no matter what. 

I was lucky enough to have some of this Gold captured in notes from kids and it means so much to me. 

Cue the crying emoji.

Yup. These goodbyes are hard but I also know that there are lots of Stay Gold moments in my future and I welcome them with open arms.

What's your Gold?

I finished reading The Outsiders with my 8th grade students today and, like always, it is my most favorite day of the year because I see kids "get it". They are connected to the characters and the story in a way that changes them--like it changed me. 

At the end of the book when Johnny explains what it means to "Stay Gold" I always get a little choked up and sentimental--this year was no different. 

 "I've been thinking about it, and that poem, that guy that wrote it, {Nothing Gold Can Stay by Robert Frost} he meant you're gold when you're a kid, like green. When you're a kid everything's new, dawn. It's just when you get used to everything that it's day. Like the way you dig sunsets, Pony. That's gold. Keep it that way, it's a good way to be."

This year, I asked the kids, "What's your Gold?" 
I explained that Gold is when you see that there is still good in the world. It's a moment, a place, a feeling that holds a special purity, hope, and goodness that no matter what is going on in life or in the world, that Gold gives you what you need to keep on going. 

Some of the kids knew what their Gold was, and it was so fun to see them embrace this. Some kids didn't know what their Gold is, but I am hopeful that they will find it and when they do, they will remember to "Stay Gold" and help the world be a better place.

What's your Gold?

{Thank you to my amazing friend Hannah who gave me my awesome "Stay Gold" necklace!}

The Outsiders

Ahhhh, The Outsiders.

 My favorite time of year! 

I get to read this book for the one millionth time 

and introduce 130 young adults to it for the first time. 

It's kind of awesome. 

S.E. Hinton's classic changed my life and I am always grateful when it changes my students' lives. This book showed me real people with real problems and I remember, vividly, thinking about how Ponyboy or Johnny's fate would have changed if

a...or...b....or....c...would have happened...

I remember connecting with the theme that "it's rough all over" and applying it when I met people who were different than me. 
  I attached myself to this family and I loved them.
 I still do.  

{Of course the movie version didn't hinder my obsession. I mean, hello!
 These boys were dreamy!}

Before starting the novel this year, I gave the kids a set of questions to get them ready for some of the themes that emerge.

 One of the questions asked them to describe a time when they have felt like an outsider. 

I wasn't  ready for the answers I got.

They are raw, heartbreaking and an accurate snapshot of what our kids go through. 

They reminded me of why I do this job and 

why these are my kids and 

why I pour my heart and soul into them.

I wanted to share some of the answers I got to remind us that kids aren't dumb. 

They are fully aware of how the world works and at this age, being an outsider is reality. 

I think, as adults, {teachers or not}

 we need to remember to love on them whenever possible. 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I always feel like an outsider. People really don't like me nor do the act discreet about it. Rumors are passed around a lot about me and no one ever thinks about how I feel about the situation.

It's extremely hard to fit in and I was considering suicide at one point.

A time when I felt like an outsider is when all my best friends have boyfriends and I don't. Not that I need or want a boyfriend, but it's like my best friends are taken away from me. 

I have felt like an outsider a lot in my life, especially when I move or when my friends start hanging out with other people all the time.

It just makes me feel like I am unwanted and unnoticed.

A few years back I remember looking in the mirror and seeing a face that was plump and squinty eyed. Everyone else's face was skinny and they all looked good.  I made myself feel like an outsider and wouldn't accept the way my face looked.
{This was written by a boy, btw...girls aren't the only ones...}

I have felt like an outsider and I felt angry, sad and useless.

Often times when talking to a group of adults, no matter how intelligent you are, teens are seen as inferior and are expected to show respect by acting as if inferior therefore being pushed to the bottom, or outside a group of people.

I feel like an outsider every time I go to my bus stop in the morning. Everybody else is talking to their friends and I just stand there.

I feel like an outsider every day in math because I know no one in that class.

A time when I felt like an outsider was when I moved to my new school, neighborhood and church.

I usually do I guess. Everyone does. Like today, my entire group of friends got invited to watch the premier of Pretty Little Liars at who I thought was my friend’s house...

 I must not be good enough for her. I am always left out no matter how hard I try. I guess I am just everyone's last choice.

I feel like an outsider because my parents are divorced and sometimes I wonder why I got this life and why I can't have a normal life or be like other people.

I feel like an outsider at lunch. I think I sit with the popular group but I am crammed on one side of the table and no one really talks to me. So, I'm probably not accepted.

 I feel like an outsider when I tell people I live with my grandma and grandpa because everyone else lives with their parents.

I've felt like an outsider many times simply because I am shy.  No one talks to me because I don't talk to them. I try, but it's really hard.

I feel like an outsider 24/7.

Middle school is rough. 
Figuring out where one fits in and how to accept harsh realities is not easy. 
At all.
I hope my kids let The Outsiders teach them about places in their lives that they can "stay gold", that they watch a sunset and see purity, 
and that they experience the truth that they're not alone.

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