*Ugh* *Sigh* *Curse Words*

I get that a middle school classroom is far from normal. 

I get that I chose this profession with this particular age group.

I get that I must constantly think on the fly, adjust my expectations and go with the flow.

I get that my biggest struggle with teaching is the counter-intuitive battle I fight every day. Intuitively, I trust that people, even kids, want the best for themselves so they make choices to reflect that. I've learned that my intuition is challenged, daily, and the choices that people make, especially kids, causes me to question what I want to believe to be true of them. 

Today, all of these challenges punched me in the gut.

One of my kids threw a rotten banana, in my classroom, at another kid. I didn't see it happen because my back was turned.  {Myth: teachers have eyes in the back of their heads...} I asked kids to speak up on who did it but, of course, no one said anything. I  ended up calling the office to send up a dean to help me get to the bottom of things. Meanwhile rotten banana was everywhere. All over my desk, the floor, the wall, kids' clothes. 

Everywhere.

 

I was so stunned  and angry that it happened that I couldn't really speak and I didn't feel like I had the ability to use the process of elimination and figure out who did it. 

When the dean finally arrived, he asked kids privately who did it and no one knew. 

{or said they knew...}

The dean had a suspicion about who it was, but since we didn't have definitive proof, 

we couldn't do anything.

This is what pushed me over the edge. 

There was no justice and there wouldn't be. 

{And truly, even if we knew who did it, I'm not in a place to trust that it 

would make any difference--or change any behavior.}

*Ugh*

*Sigh*

*Curse words*

I joke around about working at a zoo, but this  was too much-- a banana? Really? How could I not think that kids are monkeys??? The problem is that this isn't helping me feel proud of my profession or that I am making 'the difference' I want to be making. 

Again,

*Ugh*

*Sigh*

*Curse words*

I am well aware that I am in a place of processing right now and I know that things won't stay this way forever. I also know that there are some kids that I am connecting with and I will get to a place where that matters... but man, today sucked and the thought of working at a place where it would be COMPLETELY INSANE to throw a rotten banana at another person is really, really inviting.

*Ugh*

*Sigh*

*Curse words*