Friday, August 16, 2013

August 16th

Thanks to those who read yesterday's post.
Your words of Love and hope seeped deep in my soul and I am so very grateful.
I know I am not alone and I know that I am a stronger person because of
what has transpired over the last 10 years.
With that said, as the last 10 years marched on, I have been amazed that August 16th always came. 
In many ways, the 16th is more difficult than the 15th. 
August 16th means that life rolls on.
It means that the days just keep coming and coming.
Time doesn't stop for grief.
 I wasn't ready for that.
I remember this feeling being particularly glaring at the start of year 2 without Matt. I had been advised on the many markers of going through that first year and what I would likely encounter.
 All those "firsts" were difficult and strange. 
Yet, as I rounded out year one, I had no idea that August 16th would be as difficult as it was.
Time really did march on and I couldn't stop the days from coming.
In reflecting about this year's marker, I found my journals from those 
first few years without Matt. 
The journals are filled with questions and heartache; awe and disbelief.
But one theme that I saw over and over was the desire and the evidence of living.
I knew that I had to live. 
I couldn't shy away from what was ahead of me.
I needed to live beyond August 15th.
{One of my entries played out a crazy cat woman scenario where I chose not to go on living and I was holed up in a house with 20 cats circling my ankles...that was sobering!}
As I read these journals, all written post August 15, 2003, I witnessed my reinvented life.
I saw that as time marched on, so did I.
Thank you for reading this today. I truly appreciate you.
 I think one reason I chose to write about this post is to encourage you to be involved with those who are grieving as time marches on. If you are naturally involved with a person on the journey of grief, don't forget about them as their "August 16th" comes. 
Keep holding their hand.
You are helping them march on and it is an invaluable gift.

1 comment:

  1. Beautifully written! You are so strong, Kari and I know that you will always be. It is so hard to handle the grief, sometimes I don't know how to. But it is always great to have wonderful people in your life who are there for you! Hugs!