Thursday, August 15, 2013

Please Remember Me

The journey of grief is complicated.
For one, there is no blueprint for how to navigate all that it entails.
There is no way to plan for or expect the inevitable triggers 
that might cause a meltdown or a celebration. 
They come in many forms like
Random Memories.
And for me, butterflies.
 I am in awe that a decade has passed since my life changed forever.
Ten years. 
A Decade.
Ten years ago, today, my husband Matt was killed in a car accident
 55 days after we married.
{Some of my thoughts about this are captured here.}
The whole of our relationship spanned 1 year. 
We met briefly in 2001 but didn't start dating until August of 2002.
We were engaged in the spring of  2003,
married in June of 2003
and we buried Matt in August of 2003. 
I wasn't sure what do to with today.
I have been anticipating how to embark on this 10 year marker for several months.
It seems significant that a decade has passed.
A lot can happen in 10 years. 
And, a lot has happened to me in 10 years.
I reinvented myself. 
I learned to accept many parts of myself that were lost and confused.
I learned that life is full of goodness and grace.
I learned this because of Matt and what he gave me.
Matt's last name {and it was my last name for 3 years} was
Matt taught me how to live in Love. 
He taught me the Truth of Love.
He loved me fiercely.
I loved him fiercely.
It's powerful how Love changes everything.
My epiphany moment of how to recognize this day happened a few months ago
 while watching, of all things, The Voice.
The *winner!* of The Voice, Danielle Bradbury, sang a Tim McGraw song called
 "Please Remember Me."
I am not usually drawn to country music and on some level this song is sorta cheesy but something connected with me that night.
That something was Matt.
 I felt him singing it to me.
I heard him showing me all that has happened in the last 10 years and 
all that is to be celebrated. 
The song talks about how there is a balance of what's new and what should be embraced or remembered in the midst of loss.

During this experience I also felt an overwhelming freedom in loving Brian, now, and forever.
 The chorus of the song is Brian.
 I have found better love that is deep, strong, warm and real. 
I can't put into words how important and real Brian's love is for me and mine for him.
And, I don't think I would have been able to feel this if it weren't for Matt loving me like he did and me loving Matt the way I did. 
I do remember him in all that I do to love Brian and I cherish this. 
 I am also reminded, and ever so grateful, for the amazing souls that have been a part of this journey with me. I can't put into words how indebted I am for the community 
of people who grieve with me.
These people know Love too and they remember Matt teaching them this. 
Those that didn't know Matt personally and have been a part of my life in the last 10 years, remind me to embrace and live in the Love that changed me. 
 I am the person I am today because of the amazing souls that 
continue to show me that Love is real and worth embracing. 

The lyrics of the song are below and I put 

the parts that are particularly 
important to me in bold.

Please Remember Me

When all our tears have reached the sea 

Part of you will live in me 
Way down deep inside my heart 
The days keep coming without fail 
A new wind is gonna find yourself 
That's where your journey starts 


You'll find better love 
Strong as it ever was 
Deep as the river runs 
Warm as the morning sun 
Please remember me 

Just like the waves down by the shore 

Your gonna keep on coming back for more 
'Cause we don't ever wanna stop 
Out in this brave new world you seek 
O'er the valleys and the peaks 
And I can see you on the top 


You'll find better love 
Strong as it ever was 
Deep as the river runs 
Warm as the morning sun 
Please remember me 

Remember me when you're out walkin' 

When snow falls high outside your door 
Late at night when you're not sleepin' 
And moonlight falls across your floor 
When I can't hurt you anymore 


You'll find better love 
Strong as it ever was 
Deep as the river runs 
Warm as the morning sun 
Please remember me 
Please remember me


  1. Wonderfully written, Kari. I know how hard this day must be for you. The 10 year anniversary of my Mom's death was terrible for me. You are such a wonderful person and I am wishing you all the strength you need and I am sending you lots of hugs and love! xx

  2. Sending you lots and lots of love today...and always.

  3. beautiful reflection. i love being able to share the parts of your journey that happened before i met you through your blog. xoxo.

  4. Kari, thanks for sharing this. I only was able to meet matt at the wedding but the little time that I did spend with him told me we could have been friends, could have talked music, could have just hung out. My heart goes out to you today.

  5. Heartbreakingly beautiful--every last word, every last picture. Love you so much.