“I am so much more than my body.”

Jenna Kutcher is my hero.

I didn’t even know who she was last week but that's
the funny thing about life;
Miracles in the Mundane are everywhere.

Jenna and I lead wildly different lives, and
I'll probably never meet her in real life, but she
reminded me to believe the truth of who I
am and I am so very grateful.

Her story of being body shamed went viral and in this article she explains
that someone messaged  her and told her they
were shocked “she {a "curvy" woman}
could land a husband like “Mr. 6 pack”.  
Part of her response to the troll was,
“I am so much more than my body…”

When I read these words I started crying. Those
words, which I have heard before,
have been lost lately and I needed to put them
back out front.

I have struggled with body image my whole life.

{I wrote about it in this post and if you
read it you will the same stories that I am telling in this post....hmmm.
Maybe I need some more therapy for this issue?}

I have an early memory--I was probably
4 or 5 years old-- of a lady at church calling
me a Pillsbury Dough Girl.
While there is cuteness involved with that
sweet little giggle, I am pretty sure
that it wasn’t because of that; probably because
she would poke my tummy while saying it…

My middle school years started my obsession
with sizes. I didn’t understand then {or now!}

that the number didn’t really matter--the fit did.
I cringe at the times I probably stuffed myself into a 10 when
I should have been in a 12 or 14.
At one stage of my up and down

size cycle I was able to buy a pair of the much
coveted Guess brand jeans that were
in fashion. I also remember when I couldn’t fit into
them anymore and finding out
that Guess jeans weren’t made in my size.

In my desperation to fit into the fashion scene and in
my desperation to ignore who I really was,
I literally *cut* the Guess symbol out of my
too small of jeans and sewed it onto a pair of

non-brand jeans that fit.

High school also brought one of my most
painful memories. Some very mean boys at school
“mooed” at me in the cafeteria.
I was carrying my tray of food back to my

table and they mooed. The humiliating pain
of that moment still haunts me today.

{I wish it didn't, but alas, scars from our
youth never really go away...}

I never had a boyfriend in high school. I didn’t go to
my proms. I didn’t date much at all throughout
my 20’s. This was not my choice.
I desperately wanted someone to like me and
I was convinced that it was because I was too
fat to date and that I wasn’t worthy
of being in relationship.

I could go on and on about all the highs and lows of
my weight issues, but I won’t. Many of the
experiences I’ve described continue to be a part
of my story. It might not be as tangible as a
“cute” poke of a finger to my belly or a moo
in the cafeteria but I struggle daily with how I look.

That being said, however, my journey is also
filled with light and
healing in my places of pain.

Countless people have shown me
through the years that I am definitely so much more
than my body. Jenna's post helped remind
me of the fact
that I truly believe this and
it is so freeing. I know that there are
many, many places of joy that shape who I am
and I am deeply grateful
for all the light and love in my life;
no matter my jeans size.